Back on the Tracks

I cannot believe it’s been a month since I last wrote a post. Time hasn’t passed by me fast but it has passed by me like a whirlwind.

I don’t talk about my experiences with mental illness a lot but often after having a bout of physical illness, I’ll have an issue with mental illness as everything is thrown off balance by being sick. With mental illness in my family I was unlikely to escape it. I have been fortunate to have the tools of a modern world with which to learn to cope and to care for myself, therapies and doctors and phone numbers I can call for help, much of which was unavailable or in it’s infancy just twenty years ago. My mother had doctors thirty five years ago but they never really did anymore than prescribe medications which didn’t completely help. My grandmother had doctors she refused to see, electroconvulsive therapy which only led her to forget things and medications she refused to take. It’s odd how mental illness is still in the dark ages while so many other diseases are leaping ahead at a time warp speed to be more understood and preventable.

The story which won’t let me go is still calling my name. I’ve been jotting down notes and taking time to think about the plot and conclusion. My counselor posed an interesting question a month ago which is still going through my mind. What ending is the right ending versus what ending is right for that character? That was a complicated question I still ask myself today, a month after being asked. I don’t want too much of his input. I’ll have to give him partial credit!

My days while writing often meant staring at a screen for up to 10 hours a day. I’ve had days this week where I haven’t even picked up the laptop at all. As I navigate where I might want to further my education and what direction I want to seek that furtherance, my AC breaks. It’s a weird kind of broken which I’m sure has something to do with a very expensive computerized part. Fortunately, it’s been pretty mild in Texas this month.

I also made some progress with the household renovation, including some painting and also some planning for the next project I want to tackle. Right now, prices for all home renovation and repair items are skyrocketing. Flooring which cost under $250 for two rooms in 2019 cost almost $500 for one room and still hasn’t shipped! I hope they didn’t run out! The housing market in Texas is insane! Plus, it’s been raining for like two weeks straight. I’ve been so depressed not being able to see the sunshine but I know I’ll be grateful for this rain in August when it’s a hundred plus degrees out.

It’s odd to not be writing and it feels more and more odd every day that I don’t do it so I know that I’ll be back on the tracks very soon. Probably this weekend. There is a three day weekending coming and I’ll spend it at home with my sick cat who went to the vet Tuesday. He is feeling better now but the vet called to say they found something. They’re waiting for more test results to come in.

Life has a way of pushing and shoving us and that always prompted me to write. As the excitement of the story and the idea that I only have two months until the next semester starts, I know I’ll be writing very soon because all of that energy and enthusiasm will propel me to the keyboard because I can type faster than I can manually write. I put Joanna aside several times, frustrated with the story, with the characters, and with myself. But a character kept calling me and begging me to write more. That character was Chandler. It’s because of that character that I kept on writing Joanna’s story. In contrast, Makeja doesn’t speak to me. She’s too angry. But the investigator does. More than anything, what speaks to me is the fact that those who are often only trying to defend their right to exist are the ones who often wind up in prison (or worse) for just preserving their right to not die.